Lifting My Eyes

You're right. Usually this blog is about our Life in Paradise. The last two weeks have hardly been paradise, though. Four hours after arriving form Maui in Honolulu, we drove round trip from the port, to my house, to the airport. Four hours later, Hubby was ready to board a plane, and I was driving home with the kids.

Hubby spent some time with my folks last week. San Diego was his last stop on his three city trip. They heaped praises on him for being the leader of our home, for his role in our sons' lives, and for being my loving partner. They have no idea how much that meant to Hubby. It never gets old after ten almost years of marriage. More than anything they are so thrilled that someone loves me like they do. I would say that is a stretch for most in-laws. Maybe one day two mother in laws will say that about my sons. I tell you this all of this for ONE reason. Please don't read this post and misunderstand that I resent my husband for traveling. NO. This post has really nothing to do with him being gone. It's just harder to put out fires alone. So about my last two weeks...

I begged for help from more friends in the last two weeks than ever. And I detest asking for help.

Help! Hubby is out of town, can you share church nursery duty with me?

Help! Son1 jammed his bathroom door closed with an open bathroom drawer. The only way in is through the second story window, unless you can pry the door open! (The door got pryed open.)

Help! I want to be culturally correct. What is the Hawaiian custom for preschool graduation? (That is a whole other post!)

Help! I'm locked out of my house! Can you climb through the open bathroom window on the first floor? I'm too short! (She did.)

Help! Son2 threw up all night! Can you take Son1 to school for me? (Same person that climbed through my bathroom window.)

Help! I lost my purse. I possibly left it at church, and I need to unlock the building and the gate to get in. Can you watch my kids for a few minutes? (Two friends and a held over babysitter helped, including the person that pryed open the bathroom door, and confirmed it took a genius to get the door jammed in such a way.)

Help! Can you watch my sick (but no longer vomiting) Son2 so I can attend a school function for Son1? (I asked more than one person.)

And I kept thinking to myself...it's just not as bad as when Son1 had Rotovirus and it came out both ends for seven days and Hubby was traveling. A fleeting thought...

This is how many animals got puked on by two children. They are drying after a washing machine cycle.

Then there were the mishaps.

My van door jammed shut one day. The power function went out. Crouched over, I carried Son2,from one side of the van to the other to get him in and out, for nearly two weeks. Between two ill children, I didn't make it to the dealership to get the door fixed.

Ghosts and monsters conveniently appeared in Son1's room at bedtime (taking me nearly 2 hours to get him down because he kept getting up) and again in the wee hours of the morning. They showed up every night, starting the night Hubby left. I was sleep deprived.

Son2 developed a sinus infection after his puking, requiring antibiotics and a wait at the pharmacy.

One of my kid's treated me to a traumatic trip to the ER. But I couldn't see asking for help, because hadn't I already over-asked everyone? I couldn't find my cell, so I used my house phone to dial my cell phone. Wait! I dialed another number than mine. I hung up on half a ring. Well, that was the phone call that saved my sanity. She called back. I explained what happened. She had been a fleeting thought through my mind as I was dialing my cell, and I dialed her instead. Well all the glory goes to God on my misdial because the short of the long story is her mother met me at the hospital and took the other child, his car seat, and his stuff to her house. The incident could have been it's own blog post, but just know that everyone is fine, and I am too exhausted to tell you.

I braved grocery shopping with the sick kids because we were out of milk. I came home in the dark and in the rain, with tired, sick, and crying children. I unloaded the groceries and the kids. I forgot the milk in the car overnight. I wanted to scream. It's over $5 a gallon at Costco and $8.29 if I have to get it at a regular grocery store. So I thought I would just buy another gallon the next day while we waited for my safety inspection that was due LAST MONTH. In Hawaii safety inspection stickers are displayed on rear bumpers, so I was a mobile billboard for non-compliance, and in danger of a ticket and a fine.

The safety inspector failed me for a chip in my windshield that I had filled in 2003 or 2004. The guy that checked me in at the car store called me ten minutes after I left. Didn't he say it was going to be 45 minutes? I would not have moved from the store for a ten minute wait. I had just crossed a busy street with fussy Son2 in his stroller, and a death grip on squirmy Son1. I stood at a grocery store rationalizing why it was OK to pay $8.29 for a gallon of milk at this point in life when my phone rang. Let's just say the inspector was the straw, you know the straw, the one that made me just snap.

Oh and one more very important piece of information. In the midst of all of the drama, mishaps, asking tons of people for help, ER visit, and illness I chose to go on the South Beach Diet. Let me tell you I wasn't exactly craving protein or veggies right then. Oooh I would have died for a milkshake. Or a bowl of ice cream. Or a pizza, and I don't even love pizza. But I could have loved it at that moment.

"Let me get this straight," I said over wails from a preschooler pleading for a beverage. "Unless I produce a receipt for the filled crack in my windshield, I have to refill a FILLED crack in order to pass inspection?!?"

"Well, that's why I asked you if you had any chips in your windows that would cause you to fail inspection."

"And I said NO because my car passed inspection on the island with a FILLED crack in 2005, 2006, and 2007. I had that crack filled in Virginia. This never happened on the island!"

I was at my limit. He wasn't going to let up and neither was I. Wouldn't I like to just come back to the store and speak to the inspector? Boy, would I, even if it meant leaving the store without milk. More wails from my preschooler as I held his wrist and marched back across the busy road, to the store, past the open car bays, where I swore the mechanics were chuckling at me. I waited patiently for the inspector, and gave Son1 a firm warning to behave himself. Mommy was going to talk to a man and I was not happy. He needed to be very good while I talked to this man.

I was whisked out to my car, parked on the hot black asphalt with two thirsty children. Now remember, I live in the tropics, when I say HOT BLACK ASPHALT I mean steaming HOT. So the belligerent inspector told me all my other inspections had been illegal. And I looked at him and said you are a G**dy**r store, and the last place I had it done was a Go*dy**r store, are you saying your own company does illegal inspections? If they passed this car, YES. AAAAGGGGGHHHH!!! I thought. I took one dramatic pause, stared at him, and slowly let my next words come out for their full impact. "Do you have kids?" He nodded. He had two little ones, like mine. "Well, I completely know you don't care how I am feeling right now, but let me explain something to you. My husband is off island, and I just dragged my two thirsty children here for an overdue inspection. Do you think I would have done that if I thought my vehicle was going to fail inspection? I DON'T HAVE THE RECEIPT. It is in a landfill in Virginia somewhere. Are you telling me that now I am going to have to MAKE THESE KIDS WAIT and PAY to refill a filled crack and PAY for my inspection?!?" He knew I was not going to retreat. I was not going to leave. This was unacceptable. I was hungry. I was sleep deprived. "Well, I can let you speak to the other inspector, and we can see what he says." Now did he think I thought the other inspector was going to disagree with him? He agreed he would not. At this point, I didn't care. Sure, I wanted to share my frustration, all over again.

What transpired is too long to post. This is getting too long. The end of the sweet story is that the other inspector was the store manager. But I was too carb crazy and delirious from fatigue to notice his name tag. He took pity on me. He gave me my inspection sticker. He all but hugged me, but I just let him shake my hand, which is less common on the island. Hugs are more cultural. Oooh I just was so grateful.

But I am human, and quickly I forgot the positives of the two weeks. And I was tired. I was feeling over-extended. And at the end of my two weeks alone, I remember wondering when things would get better. No one was there to help. I pulled out of my culdesac onto my cross street, and my thoughts were interrupted at the stop sign. I had looked right; no traffic. I looked left, and breathed out in wonder. A peace came over me, and I knew I was not alone. I knew where my help would come from.

This is the second time I felt God, maybe, just maybe, made ME this rainbow. Nothing is impossible with Him. I made another right turn, toward the main drag, and saw the rainbow extend. Back at the cross street it hid behind the clouds. Now it was in full view. I drove higher up the hill to take a picture.

On the way down the hill, I saw an absolutely magnificent sunset, with rays blasting through the clouds. I thought to go back a couple blocks to my house, where I could park, and perhaps find an unobstructed view for a photo. But what I found was better.

The house on the left is mine.

I learned a lot from that rainbow. At first it was a fragmented yet beautiful arc. From higher up on the hill, it was a brilliant arc. And when I drove back to my home, I saw the brilliant arc in a very personal way. The rainbow was beautiful all three times, but depending on how I headed toward it, it's beauty was elevated.

My situation had not changed. I was still alone with my needy children and sprouting mishaps. And let's not forget attempting The South Beach Diet. But the response of my heart is what mattered. The truth is that He cares about my struggles whether it is just fighting the urge for a chocolate shake or fighting off the fear of monsters at 3a.m. And He doesn't say, well, R., you're situation isn't as bad as So and So's. So why should I put that on myself? There is One that won't fail me for help, if I just lift my eyes.

Psalm 121
I will lift up my eyes to the mountains;
From where shall my help come?
My help comes from the LORD,
Who made heaven and earth.
He will not allow your foot to slip;
He who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, He who keeps Israel
Will neither slumber nor sleep.
The LORD is your keeper;
The LORD is your shade on your right hand.
The sun will not smite you by day,
Nor the moon by night.
The LORD will protect you from all evil;
He will keep your soul.
The LORD will guard your going out and your coming in
From this time forth and forever.