These Farmers DO NOT Grow Ears of Corn!

It happened before my very eyes, as in literally less than 3 feet from me. Son1 had an unpopped kernel of popcorn in his hands, and in less than 2 seconds, he put the kernel to his ear, and cried, "Oh no, Mommy!" I gasped. As if frozen in place, I called for Hubby in the next room. "He just shoved a popcorn kernel down his ear!!" And Hubby, not one one to become easily alarmed, really questioned the situation. So he asked Son1 if he had a popcorn kernel shoved down his ear. Poor little guy. He didn't know what to answer, but his eyes gave him away. He wasn't sure if he was in big trouble. So he put his finger in his ear and gave it a good twist. No, no, no!

My gut tightened and a memory from about 27 years ago flashed in my mind. There I sat, in the emergency room on a bed, held down by a couple of nurses in my red Christmas pajamas, with 2 emergency room doctors dousing my ear canal with first cold water, and then warm water. My mom looked on with glassy eyes, not letting a tear fall. I knew Son1 was telling the truth. Once upon a time I snuck some pearl earrings of my mom's into my pierced ears. The stone was loose and fell down my ear canal. When Son1 put his finger in his ear he unintentionally shoved the kernel down farther down the canal. I could just feel it in my gut.

Hubby peered down that little canal, and sure enough, about half an inch from the opening peeped out the pointy tip of the kernel. Hubby cocked Son1's head toward one side and tried to give it a good shake. Nothing. He fetched some tweezers that are about 6 or 8 inches long and Son1's eyes got really wide. I pulled him up in my lap, held back his flailing arms, and pinned his legs. Hubby tried several times to steady the tweezers and go down the canal, but Son1 would not have it. We became frightened that if Son1 moved just so, we might rupture his ear drum. I suggested we go to the emergency room a few times. But Hubby thought he might dislodge the golden problem from Son1's ear on his own. Besides, the doctors would probably start with tweezers. If Son1 wasn't going to sit still for us, he was MOST DEFINITELY not going to sit still for strangers. Sigh. I just wanted this to be over.


The kernel was lodged past the (b) above. The tip of the kernel that we could see from the outer ear was past the (b) point.

We tried for several minutes to get him still enough to use the tweezers in his ear. We tried bribing him with a lollipop. I sang Frosty the Snowman to distract him. We hugged him. We loved him. We prayed for God to protect him. We threatened him with growing a cornstalk out of his ear, and popcorn popping out of his body. Nothing convinced him. Hubby suddenly thought to vacuum the kernel out of him. No, that would be too loud. Well, how about if he tried to suction it out of his ear? So he tried three times. He took three deep breaths, and made three attempts to vacuum up the kernel with the force of his deep breaths. Nothing. So we tried again to convince him that the only way was to use these tweezers to get the kernel up. Besides, we could see the kernel's little tip. We could get it out if he just allowed us. We pretended to pluck something out of Son2's ear. Then Daddy's ear, and then Mommy's ear. Come on, let's just try. It won't hurt.

"NO DADDY!" Son2 grabbed his Daddy's face and pulled it close to his nose. "YOU KISS MY EAR! YOU KISS MY EAR!" So, I thought quickly. "Ohhh. He wants you to suction it out of his ear, again!" Skeptically, Hubby agreed. So with all of his might he made a suction with his mouth and drew in deep breaths. Over and over. What do you know, that little kernel budged! Slowly that little tip became more visible. Then it started to poke out. It was working!!! So Hubby tried over and over and up it came. Son1 enjoyed the counter pressure as the kernel became dislodged. His crumpled little mouth started to straighten, and then finally turned up some corners. "Again Daddy! Again!" The plan was to get the kernel up to the mouth of the ear canal, and use tweezers to pull it out. The kernel appeared larger and larger in the canal as it crept up. Hubby reached for his tweezers. "NO DADDY!! YOU KISS MY EAR!" So Hubby gave me an optimistic look, pulled the skin around Son1's ear tightly to expose the kernel. He suctioned more and more with his deep breaths. Finally, even though we were all expecting it, we all stared in disbelief when out popped that kernel!

Hoorray! Daddy was thrilled and so was Son1. My stomach loosened from its tightened state. We had a little talk again about not putting things down any body orifices, and let him pick up the kernel with some tweezers. No more corn or popcorn of any kind for our family, any time soon!