No Clean Breaks

Thursday night my sister called me on her way home from meeting with her attorney. She humbly asked if I would post something asking y'all to pray for her on Friday. And if you know my sister, you know she doesn't air her dirty laundry. Actually, she doesn't air her good laundry either. It wasn't a request I ever expected. I agreed, and ran a couple of things past her I might write. So here are some very, very personal thoughts.

Last night she said it was like a death in the family. She's right. In some ways it feels like death's end without understanding for those left behind. Tomorrow she will testify across from someone she once called her best friend, someone who shared her hopes, who shared her dreams, and shared the birth of her son. In some ways it is the end of something that began in 1996. In some ways, but not all ways. There is no such thing as a clean break.

The last fourteen months have been an intense roller coaster of emotions for our family. We have known tremendous shock, disbelief, absolute horror, helplessness, grief, and sorrow. There have been glimmers of hope mixed in there, too. Some of those glimmers of hope were shattered, some were not. And I do mean fourteen months. Once the reality of the situation came to light, it was far from the end. It was just the beginning. The pain and dark spot where my sister found herself was not pretty. My husband watched the way I felt intense pain for the three of them, 2,500 miles away. Some nights I slept little. Some nights I kept my phone close. Some nights he talked to her when I could not. My parents felt the intensity in a way I pray I will never know for my own children. And in a quiet place in my soul, I know this is a tragedy for my sister's in-laws as well. There is no such thing as a clean break.


Friday no one will emerge a winner. Emotional loss started fourteen months ago. Now it is the legal stuff, the paper stuff, the money stuff, the testimony stuff, the privacy stuff. Please pray for her. There is no such thing as a clean break.

I know divorces are a dime a dozen these days. They happen. So what? But have we really allowed ourselves to become so removed, so casual, so indifferent? My sister spoke with her husband earlier this week, and she laid it on the line. She is not supposed to be thinking of finding someone else or starting another life. This was not the way it was supposed to happen. She holds to the Christian belief of monogamy until parting at death. This divorce was not in the plan. But her heart was torn open. She tried reconciliation to no avail. Life took her in a new direction. She pulled herself up by her bootstraps. She sought God fervently. She immersed herself in a community of support at church. Her firm extended her understanding. Her family and friends rallied around her. Things were looking up. But the reality of the situation had not changed. There is no such thing as a clean break.


My sister has an amazing career opportunity before her, with a conditional offer of employment, outside of her current firm. My family is in awe of her confidence, her belief in God's protection and provision, and her ability to stand alone. Still there is the looming thought. There is no such thing as a clean break.


A bitty three year old boy is involved. There is no such thing as a clean break.


Saturdays my sister takes her little boy to McDonald's, and she has the same thoughts time and again. She looks around, and it is apparent her family looks different from the others. She thinks they look happy. Someone is missing from her table, though. There is no such thing as a clean break.


On Sundays my sister joined a family class at church. She looks forward to the Sundays when the families gather with their children for social events. She feels like she fits. Then there are the Sundays she does not have her son. Sometimes she doesn't go. There is no such thing as a clean break.


Friday marks the end, a new beginning, sort of, kind of, in a way. In some ways my sister feels it could mark the end of a living, endless nightmare. In a few ways it might. Please, please pray for her. There is no such thing as a clean break.